smooth sailing begins

It has been a tumultuous few days dealing with me. I have been on a roller coaster of emotion....I seem to have calmed down a great deal and have made a few great decisions for myself.

First - I have struggled with eating. When my nervous system is on edge, then everything else falls apart. I am a nightmare! Don't sleep and don't eat.....thus begins the rollercoaster. I have also had a issue with cooking. I don't want to. Talking to my sister yesterday she suggested that I don't. I sat with that and decided not to cook. As a result I have ordered liteneasy (the fact that I will be on a calorie controlled diet is nothing to sneeze at either) for 5 days worth of lunch and dinner. It is more expensive than cooking myself - but at the moment I am throwing out the food I am buying because I don't want to cook it.

Next thing that I have done is acknowledged the fact that I am uncomfortable in my house at the moment. So I was referred to this website and I have cleansed my house with salt. I came in tonight and it was a totally different feeling. I will have lavender essential oil in the oil burner tomorrow. It is something quite different but it is something that I am coping with beautifully.

I have made the decision that I needed to talk to someone and so I saw the doctor today. There is more to my world than just moving house, feeling alone etc*. The moving house raised so many issues and has led to an anxiousness that leads to panic attacks. Shit really! So I see someone to chat to on Wednesday - just for the short term who can guide me back to the path of awesomeness. (I am now on the path next door and am observing the awesomeness and wanting it back!)

I feel much calmer within myself. The headaches that I have had have gone. My shoulders have started to let go of my ears. I haven't cried as much today as I have over the past few days, although I was perfectly teary at the doctors.

My blog has become a lot more personal than I ever anticipated it to be. It is my way of letting a lot of crap out and the experience is quite amazing to me. I have no idea who is reading - and I don't really care. This is now my journey to finding a calmer, more fantabulous me. It will still be anonymous and if you know me in real life, then please don't ask me about the journey, unless you REALLY want to hear crap......:)

* My mother was recently diagnosed with little legions on her lungs - having ended up in hospital the day after I moved house...... She is a woman who sees herself as being the centre of the universe and talks non stop about her issues....no one else! The most she has asked me about my move is "How's the cat coping?" For the record, the cat is going along well. She loves the stairs.