I had a think last night as I drove home from Bookclub. I asked myself why am I in such a poopy mood? I am letting the neighbours get to me...it is coming out in my blog (I am sorry) and my students are seeing me in a crazed state as I have not had nearly enough sleep......
So can I answer the question? No, not really. I have a few things that I think it can be related to....it is my birthday in a month and it is also the time that I write reports. I have to be at work for many hours on the actual day of my birthday so I am feeling rather grumpy. It is a common thing for me - and one that I am trying to work through so it doesn't affect me so often - to feel a little down for the month before my birthday, and the month before Christmas as well.
It has happened quite a few times and I am now fully aware of it and try to behave in a more even fashion.
Why does it happen?
I think it has to do with the reflective process that you go through when you are approaching the end of the year (Christmas time) and then also then end of a chronological year for yourself. Sometimes I become hard in the analysis of the situation and don't just accept things for what and as they are.
Why do I actually reflect and not just let it flow?
I think this is to do with my job. As a teacher you are called on to reflect on children's learning. This occurs two times a year - as it would happen both June and December. That is where the two significant times I get down are. Coincidence? I think not - I believe that I reflect as that is what I am doing professionally but I struggle to switch it off. I need to take time to relax each day - a little hard when you have wankers out the back! (sorry went off on a momentary tirade)
I might start making plans how I will celebrate my birthday. I might look at booking a venue and having a bit of fun. Of course I won't do this on the actual day as I am assessing kids performances on that night (who planned that? It WASNT ME!) I have told the kids that I expect them to wish me a happy birthday as part of it!
I might also investigate - as K suggested to me last night (thank you) meditation or a relaxation course. I am struggling with that concept myself and I think I might just need a hand there.
I am meeting up with a person from a gym tomorrow night so I can relaunch the fitness campaign.
I am loading more soothing music onto my i-pod so I can listen to it when in bed. I am planning on taking back my home space (until I move....)
I am being assertive to take back me and work through this slump in emotion as positively as I can.
(oh and Vanessa I tried to get that book you recommended but it is not available for a few months here! GRRRRRR! I am reading the Friday Night Knitting Club instead.)
3 comments:
It's report writing...it absolutely sucks! I often melt down at report writing time. It seems everything comes to a head. Everyone around you students and teachers feel under the hammer. There must be a better way!
reflecting is hard. As a parent who has a kid who gets reviewed a lot I can tell you that it is hard hearing the results too, although we certainl;y appreciate it when someone takes the time and trouble to give positive thoughtful feedback.
I also have a husband who lectures at a uni, so have had/put up with the twice yearly 'assessment shits' alongside him for 25 years now.
Sigh. And sympathies.
I haven't even started the reports. I should've downloaded the program but I think that if I avoid it I will not have to write them! I am sure that won't work though...they will find me!
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