all by myself.....

It has rained for the past 24 hours. As a result I spent the day on my own as the rain was really heavy and I didn't want to travel too far in the rain.

It was an interesting day. I have not spent a whole day with myself by choice in 4 months. Since I moved here I have done lots of things to avoid spending the time with myself. I have gone out and done "things" and caught up with people but because I was so ill at ease with my environment and myself, I have been quite stressful to be around.

Yesterday, I spent the day just being here and not really thinking about anything. The tv was on all day by about 4pm I was bored. I threw that onto my fb status and a friend of mine told me to embrace the boredom, reminding me that when work goes back I won't have the time to sit and do nothing.

I then discovered, through fb chat, that many people were sitting doing nothing, or as they put it "chillin'".

It's funny. I have thought that I was here on my own. There are many people doing exactly the same thing. In a way, that has made me feel better. I have always been aware that many people are on their own, but I had never really seen myself in the same way. I was always of the opinion that I had lots going on and therefore never really alone BUT it occurred to me that I have given myself the opportunity to be alone but never allowed myself to experience it.

This morning I have done nothing but watch tv. This is something that I have never really done before - just sit and blob. Allowing myself the time and space to do nothing. As a kid we were NOT allowed to turn on the tv before 7.30pm. I am feeling guilty about watching tv. But apart from those reading, who else needs to know?

The thing that I have discovered about being on my own is that I might over react to things around me. With all of the humidity, condensation has come into the house. It has been so warm for the last few days and the inside of the house is just getting moist. So not only is it raining outside but it is getting icky inside.

Last night, having spent the whole day in my own company, I discovered that the kitchen lino was wet. I thought the water outside was coming in........ oh how I panicked. I texted a friend and discovered that it was normal - just to avoid slipping.

After 20 minutes of a slight panic, I realised that I was over reacting. This is a major achievement over these holidays - to realise that I am over reacting......woo hoo! Something to watch for.