challenges

I have just about packed for my month in Europe and the Mediterranean.....but the week has been emotionally very challenging!

The day that I moved house my mother ended up in hospital and it was discovered that the cancer that she had dealt with a few years ago has re emerged. Her protein count was high and the oncologist felt that we needed to reduce that. She started on a treatment of chemotherapy.

A month later and the protein count had halved. Another month and the protein count had halved again BUT a lump had appeared in her groin region.

I took her to her specialist appointment and we discussed the new lump. Off we went to get a biopsy under ultrasound. I saw the size of the lump and it was massive considering where it was. 6.5cm x 4.9cm. Way too big for the body no matter where it is! I kept a straight face (read poker face) while I looked at this lump appearing on the screen in front of me.

My sister took my mother to her follow up appointment with the oncologist on Monday this week. He asked mum what she wanted to do. His discussion before asking this question was along the lines of we ignore the blood readings (all great and dropping) and notice the lump (growing by the day) as this is a real indication of what is happening in the body. The lump indicates that the cancer has taken a hold in the body and that even if mum took on the chemotherapy and radiotherapy, there is no guarantee that it will work.

Before any treatment (chemo/radio) we have to reduce the fluid in her leg. Her right leg is 2 - 2 1/2 times the size of her left leg I believe.

So mums decision was to reduce the amount of fluid in her leg. Then she is considering further...or she was until yesterday. Yesterday she made the statement "When I begin the treatment...." news to my sister.....

All of this is rather confronting to begin with. What makes the issue hard for me to deal with is the fact that my mother does not really want to deal with the information with us (her children) directly. After she had been to the doctor my mother asked my sister to ring the family as she couldn't deal with talking to two of my siblings. My mother then said that she was going to ring her friends........

I have been planning on ringing my mother to talk to her before I set off on my trip but she beat me to that.....

Her opening was "I haven't heard from you so I thought I should be the one to ring you...I thought you might need to discuss what I am going through." Why yes, I hadn't rung you as I was of the opinion you didn't want to discuss with your children your health.....we seem to be behind your friends on this issue, and then absolutely ripping the heart out of your kids when they don't ring you directly......damned if you do or don't.

I know that my mother is facing an interesting situation which may not work out in a positive way for her BUT I really wish she didn't sound like she was enjoying the ill health.

If I sound like I am being not being understanding then I apologise. My mother does not make it easy to help her......I love her but I hate her behaviour.

Having said all that, I am off on my trip and I will enjoy myself. I probably wont blog from there but I will put in some highlights for me when I return. Once I am back then I will think about the situation as is....