my accounts

I have to relate this delightful tale - although once I am through I am not sure you won't think it is delightful.

Two nights ago I got my legs waxed - that is NOT the delightful bit - and I received a phone call from a man saying he was from the 'revenue collection service' attached to my telephone/internet. This male wanted me to confirm my details before the conversation went any further but I cut him short as I asked if it was related to the internet (I will explain how I immediately thought that.....) and that now was not a convenient time to chat.

He confirmed that it was about the internet and that I should call them back. I replied that I couldn't take a phone number and that they should call be back in an hour when I was available to chat. They didn't call so I made the decision yesterday (the next morning) to ring them and sort it all out.

I started with the "intelligent" answering machine - you tell it what you want and it directs you. I always end up at a live consultant. I started with 'Wayne from Queensland' and I explained the situation.......

"I got a phone call the night before from revenue collection which I assumed would be about internet. I have a slight problem with this as I have been on the phone to the company since I had the internet installed in January wanting to have a single bill each month for phone, mobile and internet. It didn't happen until the end of April and I have now received my first bill with from them for the month of May and into June. Why then did I get a phone call from revenue? I want to pay what I might owe but I haven't received a bill yet for the time of January to May."

Lovely Wayne listened and said that he couldn't help me and that he would put me through to the credit people at the internet section. I got put through to another gentleman and went through the whole thing again........

This gentleman said that he would need to put me on hold while he looked at my accounts (by this stage I had confirmed my details 3 times).

While on hold (10 minutes) I suddenly found myself back with the 'intelligent" answering service who put me through to a consultant........

I got some guy from New South Wales and went through my story again and added that this time I was cross as I had been put on hold and was now on a loop (I was aware that the conversation was being recorded for training purposes.....I had been told twice). The guy said that he couldn't really help me (same story as Wayne) and put me through to the credit people.

I ended up with the credit people (23 minutes!) and this idiot said to me, after I went through my story for a FOURTH TIME, I'll check your details. He did and then said:

"You owe us nothing madam and we'll call you if we need to."

WHAT!

I was a little cross by now as I really wanted to know why I had received a phone call from revenue in the first place.........

Before the idiot had a chance to hang up on me (25 minutes) I said "I'm sorry but that is not really a good enough explanation. I was rung last night and I want to know why."

Again he said "you owe us nothing madam and we'll call you if we need to."

I said again "I'm sorry but that is not really a good enough explanation. I was rung last night and I want to know why."

He replied that there was no record of the phone call. I stated that it was at 5.40pm and I was unable to take the call. He asked if I had taken a number to which I stated that I was unable to take the number as I was busy in another situation. Again he said that there was nothing owing to which I took a deep breath and that I was unhappy and I wanted to speak to someone else who could help me as I found his answers unacceptable.

I should state that I had two of my colleagues in the office with me who were dancing around in the background trying to distract me. I didn't have the chance to get a really angry tone but I was very firm in my approach.

5 minutes on hold (28 minutes.)

Finally through to someone else in credit and revenue. (in my flustered state I did ask for what department I was in) I went through my story AGAIN!!!!!!! I also confirmed my details. He asked me a few questions - to confirm what was on my file in front of him.......

Then he said he would put me on hold to investigate.

"hold on!" said I "Last time I was put on hold to have an investigation to take place I ended up at the beginning and I would like to prepare myself this time....Am I going to really be on hold or am I going to spend more time on a loop and have to go back to the beginning of the story......" (I realise that I was being rude but after 30 minutes I was getting mighty frazzled).

"you will be on hold madam. I will come back to you every few moments to confirm what I am doing."

He did do this. After 42 minutes this is the story that emerged as discovered by my last helper at the telecommunications provider.....

You had the internet installed in January (check) and requested a single bill (check). There are records of me requesting several times for a single bill to be put into place (check) and that those attempts were made but were unsuccessful (didn't know that bit.) Finally my request on the 24th April was successful as the issue was fixed on the first of May.....

How?

To move to a single bill you needed to have $0 owing and this occurred on the 1st May.

How?

That's what I was trying to find out madam. You had a blow out in your internet usage

Yes in March - a huge blow out and I changed my plan and in April when it was slightly smaller....

Yes and it appears you owed some money then but it disappeared on the first of May. That is what I can't figure out. According to our records you owed nothing on May 1st. The only suggestion I have is that as the process to have a single bill took so long, you were credited but I have no record of this.

What do I do now? Why did I receive this call last night?

I am not sure why and we don't have a record of that call. What I will do is write a detailed note on your file that will come up straight away saying that you rang and that you tried to get to the bottom of the issue to the best of your ability. I am writing that now. Is there anything else I can help you with madam?

No, I don't think so.

Have a nice day.

hang up (43 minutes)

I'm still none the wiser why I got the phone call - could've been a prank but it did lead me to discover a few facts about my account.......